the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
at last, i have a quiet moment to myself. there is no one to disturb the peace surrounding me. safe, in the comfort and security of my own room, my home, my little spot.
the fallen saint left at 11:52 pm
sometimes i wonder if i'm secretly falling apart.
the fallen saint left at 12:19 pm
been so busy with school and hall lately that i almost forgot i had a blog. sometimes i wonder if i'm working efficiently because i don't believe that i should have difficulty coping with juggling a few commitments simultaneously.
the fallen saint left at 10:48 am
Thursday, March 27, 2008
in this silence
it's just me and you now. and i have a long-withheld confession. i am very, very vexed.jcrc work has been settled for the time being. what is worrying, however, is my own perception that i've been entrusted with the grades of 5 people (myself included) to complete this project in time and in working order, in less than a week. i know, more or less, that i'm probably the best person in the group to be given this sole responsibility because i know they are struggling to understand what's even going on up till now, but the biggest problem of all is that i'm not much closer to the answers than they would dearly love to believe.it feels as though i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. they aren't deadweight, because they genuinely try to help wherever they can, but it's still extremely difficult nonetheless. it's like there are 4 pairs of eyes looking to you for answers.i must keep trying.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
ponder
Sunday, March 09, 2008
pass me by
i should be doing better than this.blogger just informed me this is my 400th post. how time flies. it didn't feel like too long ago that i deleted everything in this blog and started anew. at least, the unpleasant memories still sting each time i think about it.that doesn't have to bother me though. i firmly believe i emerged a better and more complete person than i ever was. i'm convinced that was a necessary evil, and in a way, thank you, for having freed me, because that allowed me to find my own identity, and true friends who would always be there for me.no matter how you choose to look at me, i know i'm blessed, and your words or actions will never take that away from me.